Nightmares

I have some pretty traumatic dreams, nightmares, memories whatever you want to call them. Their not like any other dream you’d think. Their memories from my past that haunt me till this day, like ghosts from my past that are catching up to me, they get closer and closer. Sometimes it feels like those memories caught up to me and they are choking me and I can’t breathe, and I try to yell and the only thing that seems to come out is I’m ready to go. Why do I feel this way, the way that I’ve lost everything, the biggest thing I’ve lost that hurts the most is myself. How do you get something back you don’t even know how you lost it in the first place. How can I move on knowing that their still out there after what they did to me. How is that they walk free and I’m a prisoner in my own mind and body. Sometimes i drift off and zone out and it’s completely silent it’s dark and I don’t even know I do it half the time. I am terrified of sleeping at night sometimes because I know the dreams, the nightmares, the memories are coming back to take me to my past. I don’t know how to do it anymore they’ve taken over my body and mind their in control they took the one thing I thought I could handle myself I guess I was wrong. I wish I didn’t have those memories and I forgot them all. I’ve thought about it would be like to be in a accident and lose my memories and past, for a day or even a hour I’d be the happiest person ever. But that’s not how life works. We’re stuck with our broken selves because like everyone else says it’s what makes us who we are today right. If you have nightmares like I do please know that you’re not alone keep pushing through I know it’s exhausting and you’re tired trust me I am too but here I am still going.