Death before my eyes

My memories come and go as they please, but they don’t leave me empty handed they leave me paralyzed. But hey it’s ok right just another day. It’s not like I can do anything about it or know what to say so the best thing to do is pretend like it’s never happened. The scariest place I’ve ever been is my mind. It’s like a maze with a thousand doors and behind each door something traumatic waits for me to turn the door knob and play that memory again. Let’s just start with I’ve seen death,abuse,assault,attempt to murder oh which by the way by my very own narcissistic father. Let’s just say that watching someone die in front of you and seeing how it actually happened isn’t very pleasant. The one thing that comes to mind when that memory comes up is guilt. Why? Because I could have called for help but instead I just watched him die. I also saw him walking towards me as I was going to put something back on an aisle. All I see is this drunk guy walking towards me and getting closer and the next thing I see is him tripping over his feet and falling. He hits his head and it’s slowly bleeding out and all I do is stand there. He wasn’t dead yet I could still see him move as I watched the blood go everywhere he died. I didn’t cry or scream, not even get help. I just turned around and kept walking. My mind is my worst nightmare. It’s my own personal horror show that never ends and has over a 100 episodes. Let’s just say that me and my thoughts don’t get along too well.